Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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