the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
