I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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