How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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