Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
