also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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