Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
