Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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