8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
