whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
