I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
