You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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