drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
