On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I faked an abortion last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
