I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
