You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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