I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
