Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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