Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
