Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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