Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
