ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
