I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
