Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
