Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
