Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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