the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
