I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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