All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
