last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Text me some of your sweat
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
