whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
did you just send me my own nude
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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