Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He felt like a one man threesome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
