DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
