Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
