i wish my penis had a tongue
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
