why do cheetos always look like penises
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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