Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
