The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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