So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
