hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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