I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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