ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Pants 0. Shit 1.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
