between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
