i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
