I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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