guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
