I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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