I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
