is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
