anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
